Thank the Fucking Lord

Just when we thought there was nothing going on in triathlon except for concerns over whether to swim a lot with toys or not much without them or swimming is a waste of time, guess who saved the day?

That's right, Matthew McConaughey. Rumor has it he's going to be doing a triathlon, but only if USAT waives the "shirts required for men" rule and also the "no wearing a douchebag scarf on your head" rule.

Rumor also has it he's training with Lance. Really! Would we lie?

Running is part of triathlon, right?

So there are countless discussions on bikes. Seriously, just pick a crank length and ride. It's exhausting. There are far too many discussions on swimming 20,000 yard workouts. There are even talks about nutrition and Lance and everything but...

Running... Why is that? Are triathletes bored with running? Are they too cool? Why do triathletes not care about running? Maybe triathletes are just runners who can't lose the final 25 pounds? (I would name names, but I have been asked to be a kinder Bert). Maybe triathletes just like telling people they are triathletes. Running isn't a pick up line, but saying that you're a triathlete is. (Translation: I have more money than time for you).

Poll for our Reader(s):

Should we have a forum specifically for non-triathlon talk. Not the political shit or favorite music threads. Any crappy site could have that in an effort to generate traffic and monetize users. No - I am (obviously) talking about more Clay Aiken discussions.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Shit Dorks Say

Look at this video from none other than Tri-Sports, which is such an equal opportunity employer! I hear they will even employ individuals who may have been disparaged on certain triathlon forums!

The following people are temporarily banned from Slowtwits:

Bert's Review - Cervelo P5

Being the wannabe that I am, I thought I would post a picture and drop some love. Here are my top reasons to buy the Cervelo P5.

1. Be original - just like everyone else
2. That extra 2 minutes you save on the bike will allow you to break 14:10!
3. You know you want to tell everyone just how much you paid for the damn bike.
4. The only way you can prove that you care enough about triathlon is by buying this bike. Otherwise, I have no time for you.
5. I hear the P5 actually provides additional ass comfort - which is good when I go for a long ride the day after the flashlight accidently gets lodged deep. Again.

Of course, I have never seen the P5. I couldn't afford one. Not with all the little Bert Jr's running around (and those I haven't yet met). But be cool. Buy a Cervelo. You're still going to suck, but do it in style.

Cheap Ass WTC

In an effort to save even more money, WTC has eliminated all but the first letter of participants' first name, and will no longer indicate where the athlete comes from or which age group they are in.

A Brown and A Brown are not happy!

Cheap cocksuckers.