New Idea for Ironman Races--Timing Chutes

You put different width chutes at the run turnaround (13.1 mile point) that happen to correlate to finishing times. You get to try for the smallest chute that you can squeeze your fat ass through. It registers on your chip, and then when you finish, in addition to Mike Reilly announcing, "You are an IRONMAN!", on the Jumbotron will appear your fatness quotient:

• Extra Fattie: YOU ARE LUCKY TO EVEN FINISH, YOU FAT FUCK
• Fattie: GOOD JOB FATTIE MAYBE IF YOU PUT THE FORK DOWN YOU'D GO UNDER 16 HOURS
• Suck: COMPARED TO YOUR BODY TYPE, YOU MUST JUST SUCK CUZ YOU SHOULDA GONE FASTER
• Gazelle: DID YOU FLOAT THROUGH THE CHUTE? WE CAN BARELY SEE YOU!

And then you get put into a corral with your like-bodied finishers. Extra fatties get no pizza!